Let’s be honest, no amount of Google keywords, music videos, celebrity accounts or Friday night gatherings can honestly justify the quintessential truth to whether pre-marital sex will be widely accepted in the Brown society. A virgin attempt at picking it apart, allow me to try.
Forget about asking the older generation about pre-marital sex, the mention of wanting to talk about ‘the birds and the bees’ itself will be welcomed with a scalding look and eventually will be swept under the rug with a snap. The question is – why is it seen as something taboo more than it should be educational?
Of course, not every brown household holds that against their children, but there is some form of unease when sexuality is addressed openly at the table, especially by the millennials who are encouraged to have a broader spectrum of thoughts. So what about pre-marital sex amongst the Brown society that allows bile to form at the back of Desi throats?
In a society where virginity is seen as a sign of purity, and being chaste earns a good few respectable proposals from ideal brown boys, a girl is frowned upon if she had slept with men before becoming another’s wife. In fact, old society practices involved the ‘white sheet virginity test’ where a newly wedded couple would spend their first night on a white bedspread with the elders outside their door, awaiting a blood-stained bed sheet in return once the night is over. It affirms that the girl’s hymen was broken there and then on the night, hence known as a ‘virginity’ test because yes, a hymen equates to chastity and everything else a good daughter-in-law should come with (alongside dowry). No, I wasn’t sarcastic.
Yes, pre-marital sex back then was not something Brown households accepted with dispassion. Daughters were groomed to be the perfect daughter-in-law: from whipping up dishes to handling housework as well as to respect the elders and most importantly, sexual abstinence until the right man comes along, in this case mostly known as husbands. Whereas, the pressure seemed lesser on the boys because all they need to do is find a virgin wife while a few of their kind seek sexual fun and then berate girls for wanting the same.
Times have changed. Millennials widely accept their bodies and broaden minds about sex. Whereas the stigma is still translucent in the Brown society about pre-marital sex, more and more teenagers and young adults alike have started to embrace the fact that virginity does not influence their decision of having a partner. Some men see it as a bonus if their women never had pre-marital sex or aren’t sexually active, but they embrace them regardless even if they did. Women are more brazen about their bodies, some projecting confidence through sex and discovering their preferences in bed that allows more room for self-love. Pre-marital sex in itself exists as a form of sexual monogamy, especially when it concerns two people in love. It’s a general concept that with a long-term love affair comes physical intimacy between two people, which doesn’t necessarily need a legal document signed and rings exchanged. Similarly, there are two people out there in love, who abstain themselves from pre-marital sex and consummate with marital bliss. But let’s save this argument for another good day.
Well, our parents are still going to purse their lips at this argument, and nor we cannot blame them because these are the set of beliefs that were rubbed off on them while they grew up. It is their passed-down beliefs that have formed the society today, bad and good but an identity of its own. However, with evolving times and advanced thinking, the beliefs may also have rubbed off on us that we create such arguments but at the same moment, they accept that it exists. Maybe not with outstretched arms but a curt nod. As parents, they believe that as much as they should be on par with modern beliefs, they should stay rooted to what they grew up with. So they stay silent rather than expressing displeasure. Predominantly, sex is an act inspired by marriage – for procreation more than recreation. As children, we respect that enough not to enforce our otherwise strong opinions on them, nor speak about it in a manner reserved for the 21st-century ideology.
It’s always a double-edged sword about the birds and the bees. Where neither is true nor false, and none seemed as too absurd to buy or too convenient to believe in. It’s hard to change a male’s mindset of wanting a virgin bride and even harder to accept the female’s mentality of wanting to be sexually active without being ostracised. We fear the consequences of the act more than the act itself, despite the blurred stigma. Men and women alike, wish for compatibility with someone in mental, emotional and sexual areas that seemingly lets them explore but doesn’t compel them to commit to a sexually monogamous relationship because commitment is more of choice than a law. Having pre-marital sex does not affirm to personality, character or even virtue because a commitment goes more than just two people in the act of making love.
The society has been centralised so much to allow men to indulge in pre-marital sex but still not to accept a wife who has been touched by a man before. This very society also taught women to measure their worth with chastity and forbid them to yearn for sexual liberation, but they should know how to please a man right. It’s a long-fought battle of continually oppressed opinions from nether sides that only can be chiselled to fit society’s metamorphosis. Until then, we cannot stop the influx of ancient beliefs against opinions nor draw a thicker line in between. Leave the birds and the bees to be, says Mother Nature.